Housewives

Anyone watch that show "Real Housewives"?  I admit it ... it's my guilty pleasure:)  The ONLY season I don't (and have never) watch is Atlanta, ironically.  I'm a bit intrigued by Yolanda Foster.  Out of all the crazy wives and all the opulent seasons, she seems like a pretty amazing lady.  I struggle sometimes with balance; I think we all do.  I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, teacher, mentor ... and that's not even including the in-law part of who I am.  I get bitten by the "selfish" bug once in awhile, and then wonder why my husband and I get snippy with each other.  Yolanda is married to music tycoon David Foster.  She is a bit of an old fashioned house wife in the TRUE sense of house wife definition.  She concentrates on making her home fit for a king, and revolves her schedule around her husband.  She puts him first, and caters to his needs before her own.  Onscreen, they're the perfect couple and madly in love.

Today, I feel bad about the way I inadvertently treated my husband.  He called me around 10:15am and asked "How's it going?"  A completely innocent question.  I irritably and snippily said "Fine", and in my BEST irritated voice asked why he was calling.  Really, Jen?  You have to be that way?  I hate talking on the phone while I'm cleaning stalls because it's hard to do both at the same time.  I'm always done at the same time every day; 11:00.  I expect my husband to know and respect that, and to wait to call me until he knows I'm finished unless he NEEDS something.  What a bitch I am.  I don't necessarily believe I should be revolving my life 100% around my husband, but I DO think I need to think less about me and more about him.  It was ridiculous the way I felt and acted today; he didn't want anything in particular ... just to find out if maybe I could eat lunch with him and Kody.  Ever since we found church a few years ago, he's made an honest to goodness positive change in regards to ME.  He's more considerate, he's more patient, and he thinks about my needs often.

I think in order for ANY relationship to grow and flourish, not just marriage, both parties have to come together 50%.  If I'm being honest, I think our relationship is more me putting in 40% and him putting in 60.  It's time for me to control my inner bitch and to cater to the man in my life a little more so that 20 years from now, we're still married and in love.  Something to think about:)

Finding my "happy place"

I have a LOT to be thankful.  I'm down 45 (YAY!) pounds now, I have a wonderful and supportive husband, and I have the best 10 year old in the world!  After 29 years of horseless-ness, I finally have my own horse.  I have a roof over my head, gas in my vehicles, and a warm comfortable bed to sleep in at night.  I haven't done any "resolution" type posts because I just think that's a little silly.  I do vow to live my life differently this year, though.  It's been roughly 13 years of The Same Old, Same Old.  It's certainly not a marriage rut, it's a 'real life' rut I think.

I am REALLY evaluating my life and my goals.  I don't feel that I have any kind of a career; in fact, in almost 10 years I feel as though I've slid backwards and not moved forward AT ALL with my position.  That's a little bit depressing.  I lost a really good and long friendship; she said some things to me that have fundamentally wounded me to the very depths of my soul.  As for the rest of my friendships, I don't feel like I have any.  How is it I'm a month away from being 34 years old, and I don't have one single person in my life I can truly call an honest to goodness BEST FRIEND (outside of my husband)?  I have some friendships on the table, but not a single female I can call a best friend.  I always had one as a kid.  I'm still friends with her now, but we've grown apart as people tend to do.  I guess it's this paragraph that has had me feeling a little bit debbie downer.  But ... as of NOW, I release this shi+!  Because that's all it is; shi+.

I am going to learn how to PRAY, for REAL.  I am going to embrace my husband for what he is; my other half.  My confidant, my buddy, my cheerleader, and my BEST FRIEND.  We are going on an adventure this year ... an incredible, life changing, mind blowing adventure.  It is literally going to change the course of our lives; I can't WAIT!  It's time to become the person I've always meant to be; the person I know I'm capable of being.  I've started the process by ACTUALLY losing the weight I needed to instead of sitting around WISHING I could lose the weight.  This is literally the smallest I've been since I was 17.  Yay me!

Y'all just watch ... this is going to be a really exciting year:)

Titles are overrated ...

Sorry I haven't been very motivated to post.  I have a lot of things going on in my life right now, and it's all I can do to keep up with my horse blog!  I seem to be holding steady at a mostly size 8; My 10's are a little loose, but I can't fit in ALL 8's. It's my darn thighs lol!  I finally stood on a scale and it claims I've lost 40.5 pounds, which does seem about right.  It was the WEIRDEST feeling to be looking at 149.5 lbs on the scale!  Exciting stuff:)  I'm down in a size M in all the sized stuff, cool!

I haven't been working out very much; I've still been averaging 3 days of 'extra' exercise other than my stall cleaning and riding.  I have certainly lost some of the tone I'd started to put on, but none of my smaller clothes are fitting tightly at all, so all is well.  I'm not eating quite as clean as I was, but I'm staying between 1500 and 2000 calories a day, so maintaing my new and smaller size:)

I WILL do another 60 days of Insanity, just got to make it happen.  The rest of this week will be 2 workouts/2 runs (during the GORGEOUS 70 degree weekend days).  Doing some VERY serious purging around here; we're selling pretty much EVERYTHING we don't need/use, and I will be cleaning out my closet/kitchen this weekend.  Feels both good and weird at the same time.  2013 is going to be a VERY crazy and different year for me; in fact, I feel it's going to be pivotal.  TODAY ... is the first day of the rest of my life!