A big win!

Sure do love my beautiful and rugged West Coast!

Today was day 2 of CrossFit.  Holy Moly.  I am so sore I can barely function!  I worked DANG hard, managed to do 3 sets of 200m front carry weights.  I carried 50 lbs in a shoulder hold?  I don't know any of the technical CrossFit language yet.  It's like a secret code I haven't learned yet.  I will, though!

My real win came tonight.  The hubs suggested dinner at Golden Corral.  I don't know if you've ever eaten at the Golden Corral.  It's so much greasy, fried "junk" food, but it tends to be quite yummy to my middle-class palette.  A "normal" meal for me there would be a huge salad piled with bacon bits, ham, cheese, croutons, raisins, sunflower seeds, and a big 'ol ladle full of ranch dressing.  That would be followed by fried chicken, fried fish, mashed potatoes, a baked potato slathered in butter/sourcream/cheese sauce, mac and cheese, buttered corn, and 1 to 2 big and hot buttered rolls.  That would be "chased" by an ice cream sundae/brownie/slice of cake/cookie. And washed down with 2+ glasses of sweet tea.   I 100% never cleaned my plate of all that food, but I sure always feel STUFFED when I leave.

Tonight, my meal consisted of a slice of their baked fish (yummy!), 1 tiny chunk of the "southern fried" fish (like literally about a 2" square piece), a baked potato with a dollop of sour cream and cheese sauce (no butter), baked zucchini, baked squash, a spoon full of green beans, and a small salad with barely a pinch of bacon bits/cheese/eggs/pine nuts drizzled with the "light" ranch (25 cals).   Dessert was a tiny slice of apple pie, sans any sort of ice cream.  Drank water.  Now I'm home and chilling, NOT to eat another single food item.  Left the restaurant full but not in any way stuffed.  That's a HUGE win for me!

I also went to Trader Joe's tonight and stocked up on pears, bananas, organic cheese and grapefruit.  I'm getting back into this whole healthy eating thing; it's just about having the RIGHT mindset, and hopefully being able to maintain it.

If we're being honest

This is NOT a post I have any desire to make.  But I have to be real; it doesn't help ANYONE that's struggling with their weight to pretend that those of us that manage to lose some doesn't gain it back.  Our online presence tends to showcase all those perfect moments in life so that everyone can be envious of you and your perfect life.  Or, let's face it; some are drama llamas and enjoy stirring up stuff and having people fawn all over them.

I got up and went to Crossfit this morning.  When I got home, I took my "before" pics.  I get a 1 month trial; I'm curious to see if there's more of a discernible difference THIS time than there was 2 years ago after the 30 day pics.  I'm embarrassed to post these pics; they look TERRIBLE ... but this is my wake up call.  The call that says I have let myself down, once again.  It's time to get back on the wagon and STAY on it and quit allowing myself to fall off again and again and again.  This blog is to make me ACCOUNTABLE, so here I am, in all my fat glory ...

Those pics have been worse, but not by much.  Maybe only an inch or so.  What's good is that I'm CATCHING myself this time.  I've transitioned to a desk job where I sit on my tushy for 9 hours.  No more cleaning stalls every day, no more riding 3-5 days a week, no more moving jumps standards and poles around 5 days a week ... just sit on my butt day in and day out.  My apartment doesn't even have stairs; we're on the lower level.  So a serious decrease in activity combined with a less than careful attitude about what goes in my mouth, and this is the result.  I'm ashamed of myself.  But I'm taking the first step, exposing myself, and getting BACK to it, hopefully this time for good.  No excuses, no permanent backsliding, just RESULTS.

I hope that anyone else out there that's struggling can find the inspiration they need to realize and understand that if you fail, you CAN right yourself.  Don't "wait until Monday", or "wait until February", or "hold off until after I've finished ____".  Do it TODAY, RIGHT NOW, face your demons and begin to chase them off.  I'm shooting to be back here in the next few months:  

February 19, 2013.  I can DO THIS!

Updating

Well, it looks like I'll be going to Crossfit for the first time tomorrow morning.  My riding trainer has been after me now for months to go, but money and "fear" have been holding me back.  She gave me a month for Christmas to go and see what happens, so now I have no excuse!  I had to go back to the beginning of my blog and read some to sort of ... re-find my inspiration, if you will.  I began this blog to be honest about my journey through life.  In all honesty ... I HAVE to get back on track.  I've fallen off, big time, and I've got to find my way back on.

The hubs and I have been really, really talking, and we're planning our future here.  As we make plans, it's important for me to get back to where I was, personally.  I'm working hard at work; things are progressing in such a way as to pave the way for possible promotions in the future, so that's good.  At some point in my life, I want to get back to horse ownership, but that needs to come after home ownership.  It will all happen; we just have to keep our mind on our goals, and our eyes to God.

My grandfather passed away recently; it really rocked my world.  I love him so much, and I appreciate EVERYTHING he's ever done for me, and I'm so grateful to him for being there during my childhood.  I wasn't able to get back to GA to see him "on his deathbed", and while a part of me is deeply saddened by that, a selfish part of me is also glad I couldn't.  Our first trip back to GA is tentatively scheduled for Spring Break, but so many things have to happen for that trip that who knows if it will happen.  We're going to try, though!

Today, I remember that it IS the first day of the rest of my life.  I need to remember to live every day as it comes, and not worry too much about the past and the future.  Concentrate on enjoying the moments and appreciating the journey :)