If we're being honest

This is NOT a post I have any desire to make.  But I have to be real; it doesn't help ANYONE that's struggling with their weight to pretend that those of us that manage to lose some doesn't gain it back.  Our online presence tends to showcase all those perfect moments in life so that everyone can be envious of you and your perfect life.  Or, let's face it; some are drama llamas and enjoy stirring up stuff and having people fawn all over them.

I got up and went to Crossfit this morning.  When I got home, I took my "before" pics.  I get a 1 month trial; I'm curious to see if there's more of a discernible difference THIS time than there was 2 years ago after the 30 day pics.  I'm embarrassed to post these pics; they look TERRIBLE ... but this is my wake up call.  The call that says I have let myself down, once again.  It's time to get back on the wagon and STAY on it and quit allowing myself to fall off again and again and again.  This blog is to make me ACCOUNTABLE, so here I am, in all my fat glory ...

Those pics have been worse, but not by much.  Maybe only an inch or so.  What's good is that I'm CATCHING myself this time.  I've transitioned to a desk job where I sit on my tushy for 9 hours.  No more cleaning stalls every day, no more riding 3-5 days a week, no more moving jumps standards and poles around 5 days a week ... just sit on my butt day in and day out.  My apartment doesn't even have stairs; we're on the lower level.  So a serious decrease in activity combined with a less than careful attitude about what goes in my mouth, and this is the result.  I'm ashamed of myself.  But I'm taking the first step, exposing myself, and getting BACK to it, hopefully this time for good.  No excuses, no permanent backsliding, just RESULTS.

I hope that anyone else out there that's struggling can find the inspiration they need to realize and understand that if you fail, you CAN right yourself.  Don't "wait until Monday", or "wait until February", or "hold off until after I've finished ____".  Do it TODAY, RIGHT NOW, face your demons and begin to chase them off.  I'm shooting to be back here in the next few months:  

February 19, 2013.  I can DO THIS!