Finding my "happy place"

I have a LOT to be thankful.  I'm down 45 (YAY!) pounds now, I have a wonderful and supportive husband, and I have the best 10 year old in the world!  After 29 years of horseless-ness, I finally have my own horse.  I have a roof over my head, gas in my vehicles, and a warm comfortable bed to sleep in at night.  I haven't done any "resolution" type posts because I just think that's a little silly.  I do vow to live my life differently this year, though.  It's been roughly 13 years of The Same Old, Same Old.  It's certainly not a marriage rut, it's a 'real life' rut I think.

I am REALLY evaluating my life and my goals.  I don't feel that I have any kind of a career; in fact, in almost 10 years I feel as though I've slid backwards and not moved forward AT ALL with my position.  That's a little bit depressing.  I lost a really good and long friendship; she said some things to me that have fundamentally wounded me to the very depths of my soul.  As for the rest of my friendships, I don't feel like I have any.  How is it I'm a month away from being 34 years old, and I don't have one single person in my life I can truly call an honest to goodness BEST FRIEND (outside of my husband)?  I have some friendships on the table, but not a single female I can call a best friend.  I always had one as a kid.  I'm still friends with her now, but we've grown apart as people tend to do.  I guess it's this paragraph that has had me feeling a little bit debbie downer.  But ... as of NOW, I release this shi+!  Because that's all it is; shi+.

I am going to learn how to PRAY, for REAL.  I am going to embrace my husband for what he is; my other half.  My confidant, my buddy, my cheerleader, and my BEST FRIEND.  We are going on an adventure this year ... an incredible, life changing, mind blowing adventure.  It is literally going to change the course of our lives; I can't WAIT!  It's time to become the person I've always meant to be; the person I know I'm capable of being.  I've started the process by ACTUALLY losing the weight I needed to instead of sitting around WISHING I could lose the weight.  This is literally the smallest I've been since I was 17.  Yay me!

Y'all just watch ... this is going to be a really exciting year:)

Titles are overrated ...

Sorry I haven't been very motivated to post.  I have a lot of things going on in my life right now, and it's all I can do to keep up with my horse blog!  I seem to be holding steady at a mostly size 8; My 10's are a little loose, but I can't fit in ALL 8's. It's my darn thighs lol!  I finally stood on a scale and it claims I've lost 40.5 pounds, which does seem about right.  It was the WEIRDEST feeling to be looking at 149.5 lbs on the scale!  Exciting stuff:)  I'm down in a size M in all the sized stuff, cool!

I haven't been working out very much; I've still been averaging 3 days of 'extra' exercise other than my stall cleaning and riding.  I have certainly lost some of the tone I'd started to put on, but none of my smaller clothes are fitting tightly at all, so all is well.  I'm not eating quite as clean as I was, but I'm staying between 1500 and 2000 calories a day, so maintaing my new and smaller size:)

I WILL do another 60 days of Insanity, just got to make it happen.  The rest of this week will be 2 workouts/2 runs (during the GORGEOUS 70 degree weekend days).  Doing some VERY serious purging around here; we're selling pretty much EVERYTHING we don't need/use, and I will be cleaning out my closet/kitchen this weekend.  Feels both good and weird at the same time.  2013 is going to be a VERY crazy and different year for me; in fact, I feel it's going to be pivotal.  TODAY ... is the first day of the rest of my life!

Post holiday

Grand Canyon.  Breathtaking!

Well, hope all y'all had a fantastic Christmas!  I have enough gift certificates to buy me some new clothes, so I'm super happy:)  You know, I sure hope 2013 is a better year for me than 2012.  Other than my weight loss success, I feel like I've gone backwards in every other aspect of my life:(  I have less friends, less money, and more responsibility:(  Sigh.  I thought that theoretically what you "put out there" in the Universe will come back to you.  Well ... I honestly try to put positivity out there.  I try to be nice, and kind, and thoughtful, and honest, and ethical, and I try to do things for people.  What do I get back?  See the aforementioned groan.  I feel like I've had a "no good deed goes unpunished" sort of year.

I don't really know what to do about it.  All I can do is pray, reflect, and trust that things go UP from here.  I certainly feel somewhere around the bottom right now, just searching for my ladder.  I will continue to try and put positive energy into the Universe, and shake off these negative nellies.  At the end of the day, I have a fantastic marriage, a fantastic kid, a (few) job(s) that (mostly) pays the bills, we ALL have excellent health (knock on wood), and there's 40 lbs less of me!  Hope everyone has a wonderful New Year's!!  I will for sure be in bed long before midnight:)

Not much happening ...

My cute party dress!

I've had a little bit of a false start, just like last time.  Began tearing it up the first 3 days, then missed the next 3 days due to horse related activities.  I restarted on Monday with Cardio Abs, but on Tuesday I got bitten by a cat on my right thumb, and he HURT me:(  I think that damn cat was trying to rip a chunk out of my hand.  I have 4 deep tiny puncture wounds around the meat of my thumb, and zero range of motion.  It HURTS.  I really felt like I would pass out after he bit me, it hurt THAT bad.  And honestly, I am NOT that much of a wuss, lol!  So I haven't done anything the last 2 days; I'm going to try and cardio abs again tomorrow since there's very little plank work because I definitely can NOT bear any weight on my right hand right now.

Working on a crazy exciting plan!  Can't wait to let everyone in on it, but you all must wait;)  LOTS of planning still to be had, but when it all comes together it will be epic.

Merry Christmas to all!  I will probably blog again before then, but if not hope everyone has an amazing holiday:)  I plan to take OFF 100% Mon-Wed.  Can't wait to just stay HOME!

Going insane again ...

Geez, they're practically maternity pants now!

Whelp, started Insanity again today.  I began with the fit test ... my numbers were pretty close to where I left off, yay:)
Power jacks:  34 first time, 48 today...46
Power knees:  63 first time, 75 today...80
Power jumps:  22 first time, 32 today...30
Switch kicks:  50 first time, 69 today...93
Globe jumps:  7 first time, 9 today...11
Suicide jumps:  11 first time, 11 today...12
Push up jacks:  0 first time, 14 today...12
Low plank obliques:  34 first time, 36 today...40

The ... numbers are my LAST numbers I did after completing the program, so I'm not as far off as I thought I'd be:)  I will be sore tomorrow (but not tragically so).  Just keeping on, keeping on!  My size 10 jeans are getting loose on me, so probably need to swing by Goodwill again and pick up a few pairs in that lovely size 8:)  I'm gathering up some clothes to donate, I am NOT keeping a bunch of "fat clothes" around.  Looking forward to the Christmas break, hoping to have a few days off from cleaning stalls.

Enjoying my family

My favorite tattoo; I think I deserve a new one since I've done so good!!

I love my boys.  I am the luckiest girl in the world to have married my best friend, and birthed the most amazing, cool, smart, outgoing, and amazing (did I already say that?) kid.  My husband REALLY is my best friend.  He is definitely a "lifetime" keeper for sure!  I have a pretty cool boss too.  Her ending remarks for our conversation about the whole "pantsgate" fiasco was, "You know what the moral of this story is?  Never buy the cheap pants!"  Lol.  Lesson learned!

You know, I've been getting a lot of people ask me, "What diet plan are you using?"  Like I've said dozens of times, I'M NOT DIETING!  I quite literally have made a change to my lifestyle.  I eat what I want, when I want!  The biggest thing I've done is changed the WAY I eat.  Instead of plopping massive spoonfulls of food on my plate (HELLO macaroni and cheese!), I weigh out my portions.  Instead of white rice with my dinner, it's brown (or even better, quinoa).  Instead of mayonnaise and butter in my mashed potatoes, it's greek yogurt and milk.  Instead of 2000 calories of fast food Whopper/fries/coke, it's 600 calories of tacos and about 6 sips of coke.  Instead of a massive glass of sweet tea with my dinner, it's a massive glass of water.  Instead of 3 cupcakes and 4 pieces of snack size candy, it's 2 tbs. of m&m's.  See where this is going?  For my lunch, rather than a sandwich with mayonnaise and cheese/3 servings of salt and vinegar chips/a giant hunk of brownie/coke, I have a piece of (frozen) baked tilapia/one serving of instant mashed potatoes/some type of veggie, usually some type of peas since my boys don't eat peas at ALL/a teeny little 2 tbs measuring cup of m&m's/glass of water.  I'll also cook me some low glycemic index angel hair pasta (weighed out as one serving), toss it with 1 tbs of evoo/lemon juice/garlic salt/about 6 salad croutons, crushed.  This is my lunch pretty much every day, either the fish or the pasta.  I don't always do the potatoes with the fish, sometimes I will do peas and some other veggie.

I literally used to cook an ENTIRE box of Kraft mac and cheese ... and eat the whole thing for my lunch.  Those Totino party pizzas?  I'd eat the whole thing for lunch.  THAT'S why I was fat, not because I'm sedentary, but because my eating habits were out of control.  Fast food 4 nights a week ... I'd eat every single BITE of that burger, fries, and drain that 22+ oz sugary soft drink.  Since July, when I began this whole journey I have not eaten a fast food meal like I used to.  When I get my tacos, I do get a full sugar Mtn. Dew, but I sip on it 6 times and dump the rest out of the window.  I have not had McDonalds, Wendy's, Chik fil a, or Capt. D's ... do I miss them?  Sometimes.  My body's a traitor, and it craves that old junk food.  But I don't tempt myself, and just drive on by!

On teaching nights, my dinner consists of whatever I can find in the way of fruit/light yogurt/tortilla chips (weighed out as one serving)/kashi granola bar/kashi "chocolate square".  I will usually snack on the granola bar at some point, and eat the "chocolate square" as my dessert.  As for fruit, I try to keep grapes and bananas around the house; that's normally what I put in my dinner.

For breakfast, I have a bowl of plain Cheerios with a measured out one cup of milk.  I admit to cheating SLIGHTLY, and pour my Cheerios in the one cup measuring cup, but it's over the one cup mark by about 1/4".  I have that EVERY morning.  I no longer eat donuts/poptarts/anything else loaded down with sugar.

Well!  I just wanted to address the fact that I'M NOT DIETING lol.  I have literally changed my life to something that works for ME.  Am I a total and complete foodie that craves brussel sprouts and blueberries?  Um, NO!  But I've made changes that are GOOD for my body and that I can sustain for the rest of my life!  I'm STILL losing weight, and for this entire month I've barely done anything exercise related!

Went 5K distance today, ran for distance, not time.  Took me about 35 minutes, and that includes 5 minutes of warm up/cool down walk.  Monday begins round 2 of Insanity.  Oey!  Not really looking forward to it, but I will be interested to see what I look like at the end!  I'm already fitting in an 8 in jeans (some of them; my darn THIGHS are what hold me back there!)  Will I finish as a 6?  That wasn't even on my RADAR as far as goals go, but at this stage of the game, it seems very possible!

A new ... day ... has ... come! (Celine Dion)

What is the title of this blog?  TODAY is the first day of the rest of my life ... and it is:)  I intend to not waste one second of it sitting around in purgatory, I'm moving on.

Took this month's pics today.  I promised y'all I would NOT take pics of me in my underwear, lol.  However, I think the time has come that my previous "Extreme Makeover:  Weight loss edition" outfit isn't cutting the mustard any more.  Considering that bathing suit season will be upon us in 7 short months, it's time to switch to the bathing suit to make sure that body will be ready to be ogled in a good way, not a "gag me" kind of way;)

I don't own a bikini any more, I do have 2 "tankinis" that I tried on ... and that fell off!  So, here I am in my HS swim suit!  Don't know why in the world I kept it, but I'm glad I did.  Kudos to Speedo, that swim suit is ... 16 years old and still it's original color.

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty darn pleased with what I see:)  I'm actually 100% shocked that I haven't put anything back on in the last 3 weeks, because other than the ONE recovery workout, I haven't put Insanity on the TV at all.  I haven't even run at all this week, all I've done is put bedding in all 12 stalls at once, and rode my boy twice.  Of course, one of those rides was 2 hours long, but STILL!

In news of a slightly more comical nature, I dug through my lingerie drawer for a "real" bra rather than one of my ratty sports bras, found my comfy old standby that I always wear when I'm feeling like a girl and put it on!  Um, haha, it was way too big!  Everywhere.  Straps, cups, and ribs.  Good problem to have!

I got up this morning and blew out the last of my stress from the last few days, and pounded the pavement up to the park I used to ride my horse in when I first got him.  Half an hour, a couple of miles, some good sweat, some nice breathing ... followed by a message on Love?  Sounds like a good day to me!:)