A big win!

Sure do love my beautiful and rugged West Coast!

Today was day 2 of CrossFit.  Holy Moly.  I am so sore I can barely function!  I worked DANG hard, managed to do 3 sets of 200m front carry weights.  I carried 50 lbs in a shoulder hold?  I don't know any of the technical CrossFit language yet.  It's like a secret code I haven't learned yet.  I will, though!

My real win came tonight.  The hubs suggested dinner at Golden Corral.  I don't know if you've ever eaten at the Golden Corral.  It's so much greasy, fried "junk" food, but it tends to be quite yummy to my middle-class palette.  A "normal" meal for me there would be a huge salad piled with bacon bits, ham, cheese, croutons, raisins, sunflower seeds, and a big 'ol ladle full of ranch dressing.  That would be followed by fried chicken, fried fish, mashed potatoes, a baked potato slathered in butter/sourcream/cheese sauce, mac and cheese, buttered corn, and 1 to 2 big and hot buttered rolls.  That would be "chased" by an ice cream sundae/brownie/slice of cake/cookie. And washed down with 2+ glasses of sweet tea.   I 100% never cleaned my plate of all that food, but I sure always feel STUFFED when I leave.

Tonight, my meal consisted of a slice of their baked fish (yummy!), 1 tiny chunk of the "southern fried" fish (like literally about a 2" square piece), a baked potato with a dollop of sour cream and cheese sauce (no butter), baked zucchini, baked squash, a spoon full of green beans, and a small salad with barely a pinch of bacon bits/cheese/eggs/pine nuts drizzled with the "light" ranch (25 cals).   Dessert was a tiny slice of apple pie, sans any sort of ice cream.  Drank water.  Now I'm home and chilling, NOT to eat another single food item.  Left the restaurant full but not in any way stuffed.  That's a HUGE win for me!

I also went to Trader Joe's tonight and stocked up on pears, bananas, organic cheese and grapefruit.  I'm getting back into this whole healthy eating thing; it's just about having the RIGHT mindset, and hopefully being able to maintain it.

If we're being honest

This is NOT a post I have any desire to make.  But I have to be real; it doesn't help ANYONE that's struggling with their weight to pretend that those of us that manage to lose some doesn't gain it back.  Our online presence tends to showcase all those perfect moments in life so that everyone can be envious of you and your perfect life.  Or, let's face it; some are drama llamas and enjoy stirring up stuff and having people fawn all over them.

I got up and went to Crossfit this morning.  When I got home, I took my "before" pics.  I get a 1 month trial; I'm curious to see if there's more of a discernible difference THIS time than there was 2 years ago after the 30 day pics.  I'm embarrassed to post these pics; they look TERRIBLE ... but this is my wake up call.  The call that says I have let myself down, once again.  It's time to get back on the wagon and STAY on it and quit allowing myself to fall off again and again and again.  This blog is to make me ACCOUNTABLE, so here I am, in all my fat glory ...

Those pics have been worse, but not by much.  Maybe only an inch or so.  What's good is that I'm CATCHING myself this time.  I've transitioned to a desk job where I sit on my tushy for 9 hours.  No more cleaning stalls every day, no more riding 3-5 days a week, no more moving jumps standards and poles around 5 days a week ... just sit on my butt day in and day out.  My apartment doesn't even have stairs; we're on the lower level.  So a serious decrease in activity combined with a less than careful attitude about what goes in my mouth, and this is the result.  I'm ashamed of myself.  But I'm taking the first step, exposing myself, and getting BACK to it, hopefully this time for good.  No excuses, no permanent backsliding, just RESULTS.

I hope that anyone else out there that's struggling can find the inspiration they need to realize and understand that if you fail, you CAN right yourself.  Don't "wait until Monday", or "wait until February", or "hold off until after I've finished ____".  Do it TODAY, RIGHT NOW, face your demons and begin to chase them off.  I'm shooting to be back here in the next few months:  

February 19, 2013.  I can DO THIS!

Updating

Well, it looks like I'll be going to Crossfit for the first time tomorrow morning.  My riding trainer has been after me now for months to go, but money and "fear" have been holding me back.  She gave me a month for Christmas to go and see what happens, so now I have no excuse!  I had to go back to the beginning of my blog and read some to sort of ... re-find my inspiration, if you will.  I began this blog to be honest about my journey through life.  In all honesty ... I HAVE to get back on track.  I've fallen off, big time, and I've got to find my way back on.

The hubs and I have been really, really talking, and we're planning our future here.  As we make plans, it's important for me to get back to where I was, personally.  I'm working hard at work; things are progressing in such a way as to pave the way for possible promotions in the future, so that's good.  At some point in my life, I want to get back to horse ownership, but that needs to come after home ownership.  It will all happen; we just have to keep our mind on our goals, and our eyes to God.

My grandfather passed away recently; it really rocked my world.  I love him so much, and I appreciate EVERYTHING he's ever done for me, and I'm so grateful to him for being there during my childhood.  I wasn't able to get back to GA to see him "on his deathbed", and while a part of me is deeply saddened by that, a selfish part of me is also glad I couldn't.  Our first trip back to GA is tentatively scheduled for Spring Break, but so many things have to happen for that trip that who knows if it will happen.  We're going to try, though!

Today, I remember that it IS the first day of the rest of my life.  I need to remember to live every day as it comes, and not worry too much about the past and the future.  Concentrate on enjoying the moments and appreciating the journey :)

A Thanksgiving post, but not a Thanksgiving post ;)

Happy Thanksgiving 2014!  This post is not going to be a "thankful" post.  I've made a REAL effort in my life to be thankful for all that I have every single day.  I'm thankful for a LOT of things, and not just during the month of November, or on Thanksgiving.  No, my post today is more of a reflective type post, thinking back on the past 17 months.

This is sad, but I honestly didn't realize just how unhappy I was until I have discovered how happy I am now.  Maybe we all need a change every 10 years or so, I don't know.  For instance, a song from my playlist wold play (ALWAYS one about feeling hopeless, but trusting in God to pull you through) and I would start to cry.  I felt so unbelievably trapped in my old life, but I didn't even know it.  I prayed so hard, every day, for SOMETHING.  I don't even know what.  Just something.  And finally, it happened.  I made it happen, by the grace and the glory of God we are here.

The past 17 months have NOT been a cakewalk.  They've been hard work, stress, worry, but also, that glimmer of what the future is going to hold.  I have been washed away of my old self, and re-born in my Christianity; I've been biblically baptized and truly, fundamentally changed.

I believe that God has made this beautiful, amazing, and perfect world for us to explore and experience.  California is a BEAUTIFUL state, full of raw, breathtaking sights.  It is home to virtually every climate type out there.  We have snow, heat, temperate rain forest, desert, mountains, beach, ocean, lakes, rivers, canyons, valleys, you name it!  We are having so much fun just carving out our new living here on the west coast, and taking every opportunity to travel our amazing home state and see all that it has to offer.  We spend Thanksgiving in Ft. Bragg at a little place called Glass Beach.  The beach is FILLED with sea glass, which at first glance appears to just be gravel, but when you really look at it, you see all the colored bits of glass.  So pretty and unique!

  The Denny's out there was open, so Kody and I had club sandwiches, and David had a Grand Slam breakfast as our Thanksgiving day lunch, and it was just perfect.  We enjoyed the 3 1/2 hour drive immensely, spending time on the good old Highway 1 Pacific Coast Highway, heading up the coast!  We got to drive through Redwoods, which we did NOT expect, and I got my saltwater fix :)

Moving forward and looking at 2015, my plans include moving on up in my dental practice.  I work hard every day at work, learning more and more, and as my training gets more intense, responsibilities and raises come along with that.  I pray that David can figure out a way of dropping one of his 2 jobs, but making enough money and working full time at ONE that he brings home the same salary he has working the 2.  I know he has the skills to do it, he just needs the opportunity, so I continue to pray for him.  Kody will move on up the 8th grade at his amazing PFAA, and I'm so excited to see him perform in the male ensemble for his middle school performance this year of "Thoroughly Modern Millie".  He's worked very hard, and had lots of practices, so I hope his return to the stage after a year long hiatus is fun and rewarding for him!

Sorry about the long times between blog posts; I have to be online a whole bunch dealing with social media stuff for my eventing barn, and that takes up a TON of time.  By the time I'm finished figuring out what to post there, I have nothing left for my blog.  I'll have another one up soon, maybe in about 2 weeks.  Hope my family is doing well, I miss you all!

A serious post ...

I know many people don't want to hear it.  They'd rather stick their heads in the sand and say things like, "Well, I'm not positive whether or not God exists, so I'm just gonna live my life in a GOOD way, be nice to people, and that way all my bases are covered".  I'm here to tell ya, you are NOT covered, and you will NOT be ascending to Heaven when you die if you adopt this attitude.  Stop reading right now if you don't care to be Saved.  If you're unsure about whether you'd go to Heaven when you die and you want to know ... keep reading.  If you're SURE you won't go to Heaven when you die ... keep reading!  You CAN be on your way there today :)

Christians have the Bible to tell us for sure whether or not we're going to Heaven.  It tells us in Romans 3:23  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.

ALL have sinned.  We ALL come short of God's glory.  Without Him, we ALL go to Hell.  Think your sin is less than someone else's?  Continue reading.

Romans 6:23 says For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

In Revelation 20:14. 15 it defines the word "death":  And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire.  This is the second death. (15) And whoseover was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.

"But, I'm a GOOD person!  I've never murdered anyone, and I don't cheat on my taxes, therefore I'm not going to Hell, right?"

Revelation lists the people that will go to Hell in 21:8  But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone:  which is the second death.

Unbelieving?  Gee, if you don't think God exists, you're unbelieving.  Fearful, abominable, murders, whoremongers, sorcerers, idolaters?  Hmmm, you haven't killed anybody!  And you're definitely not a sorcerer or abomidable.  But are you a liar?  White lies count.  Lies of omission count.  If you've lied you're going to Hell.  We don't get to pick and choose which sins are better or worse.  A sin is a sin is a sin, and the punishment is death by being cast into the lake of fire.

Sadly, the Bible tells us in James 2:10:  For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
That means if we've sinned ONCE in our whole lives, we are as guilty as if we'd committed every sin and abominaton in the Bible.

Keep on reading ... here is the GOOD news!  Ephesians 2:8 says this:  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of youselves; it is the gift of God (9) Not of works, lest any man should boast.

For by GRACE.  What is grace?  Grace is something you don't deserve, something given to you for free.  Faith, faith is BELIEF on the lord Jesus Christ, it's belief that:
1.  Jesus died for our sins
2.  Jesus was born of a virgin
3.  Jesus was God in the flesh
4. Jesus never sinned and was therefore perfect and did NOT deserve to die
5. He died for US, for our sins; he was perfect and had NO sin, therefore he died for all of OUR sins, so that we may be able to live life in eternity.

Romans 5:8 states this:  But God commandeth his love towards us, it that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

So now we've explained faith, what about Ephesians 2:9?  NOT of WORKS, lest any man should boast.  What does that mean?  Let's say I give you a birthday gift.  If I give it to you, is it a gift?  How about if I tell you to pay me $15 and I'll give it to you?  Is it a gift then?  How about if I tell you to wash my car, then we'll call it even and I'll give you the gift?  Is it a gift?  NO!!  If you have to pay for or do work for an item, it is NOT a gift, it's something you worked for.  It's a wage, not a gift.  John 3:16 is one of the most famous passages in the Bible:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believith in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  That passage is preceeded by this one:  John 3:15  That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

Do these passages mention anything about working for eternal life?  And does eternity ever end?  So if we become Saved and then kill someone, does our eternal life all of a sudden become revoked?  If someone is saved, and he decides to live a homosexual lifestyle, does he lose his eternal life?  And if someone kills himself, does he lose his eternal life?  The bible tells us no, we CANNOT lose our salvation.

Titus 1:2 In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began.

Our hope for eternal life is that God cannot lie to us.  Once we're promised eternity, we cannot lose our salvation because of any ACTIONS we do here on earth.  Just like our actions cannot SAVE us (being nice, reading our Bible, giving to charity, recycling, installing solar panels, BEING BAPTIZED, tithing, etc), neither can our actions cause us to lose our salvation and go to Hell.  Pretty awesome, powerful stuff, huh?  Not gonna lie, I didn't know I could go to Heaven and not be baptized, and I thought I could do something horrible enough to warrant losing my salvation.  Turns out, God is much greater than I am, and my piddly little actions here on earth do NOT trump belief and faith.

If you've read this far, and your heart has been changed and you want to make sure you're on your way to Heaven, the Bible tells us in Romans 10:9:

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

Simple.  Do you believe you're a sinner?  Do you believe that the punishment for being a sinner is death in Hell?  Do you believe that Jesus Christ was killed, buried, and rose up from the grave for your sins?  Do you believe God has promised us eternal life and He will NOT take it away?  It's time for you to pray, and pray and believe with your WHOLE heart and WHOLE soul:

"Dear Jesus, I know I'm a sinner and deserve to go to Hell, but I believe you died on the cross, was buried, and rose again to pay for my sins.  I ask you to save me, forgive me of my sin, and take me to Heaven when I die.  Thank you for giving me eternal life.  Amen".

And FINALLY ... a piece of the puzzle falls into place!

The Nutty Buddy's first day of school.  Tomorrow he gets another first day of school!

One of the reasons we moved to CA is because we wanted Kody to fit in even better than he already does.  He's one of those kids loved by adults and even older kids, but the kids his own age regarded him as an oddity; one to be picked on.  He loved his hand full of friends he had in GA, but we strongly felt like the move xc was the right one.

Fast forward to internet searches trying to find out school systems.  HOLY MOLY.  CA is nothing like GA when it comes to schools.  Every little "town" has about 10 schools, and I'm NOT exaggerating.  The districts are such that the homes in radius of the school are close enough to walk/bike to, so there's virtually NO bus service.  You know those mile long lines of the big yellow busses?  Yeah, NOT in CA.  There are also a plethora of charter schools.  Sadly, the charter schools are the best ones because they're strongly supported by the parents; involvement, money, etc.  They are tuition free, but require volunteer hours in order to enroll.  OK, no problem!  Well, NONE of the charter schools, or even the GOOD schools have openings.  The best you can hope for is to either go on a wait list, or enter into the lottery drawing system and hope for the best.  I found the Natomas Charter School online in the area of our apartment complex:  www.natomascharter.org   Looked PERFECT!  Just what Kody needed to go to.  An academically strong school with an emphasis on the performing arts.  Dang, I would have LOVED this school when I was a kid; ballet and music classes??  Heck yeah!  We were hoping our move would place Kody in an environment where he was around other kids "like" him.  Ones that were artistically inclined and focused on their own development.  Yeah, no.

Last year was a pretty big disappointment, school wise.  FIRST thing upon arrival in CA, we drove straight up the street to enroll in PFAA as it's known.  Haha, 60 kids already on the list for 6th grade.  THAT wasn't happening.  So he went to Natomas Park, and that was a year I'd prefer to just forget.  He got suspended for the first time for fighting.  FIGHTING, DAKOTA BISHOP.  He's definitely a make peace, not war kind of kid.  And his grades were just barely squeaking by at "average".  No A, B, C, F grade system there; no, it was 1 (below grade level) to 4 (above grade level) with a 3 being described as 'meets the grade standards'.  He got STRAIGHT 3's, all year long.  Eh, could have been worse I suppose, but definitely could have been better.  This time, we got our registration in early (Jan), got him to the audition for the PFAA in March, and found out in May he was in the top 15% of the audition criteria, AND he lives within district, so he was given top priority in the lottery drawings; 5th on the list.  Woo Hoo!  I was pretty happy with that!  What's crazy is not ONE single 7th grader was accepted.  None.  The rising 6th graders occupied every available spot.  We tried to remain optimistic, but y'all know anything may or may not happen.

First day of school was today.  Sadly, Kody was forced to attend Natomas Middle School which has DISMAL, and I do mean DISMAL test scores.  The student hand book has 3 long paragraphs on what kinds of clothing not to wear since it portrays gang symbolism.  Ugh.  I SEVERELY stereo-typed what kinds of kids live in CA; let me tell ya, they're NOTHING like how I thought they'd be.  Living as close as we do to Sac, the term, "gang banger" isn't an incorrect description when it comes to the average middle/high school kid around here :(  I honestly, seriously, genuinely have been contemplating just yanking him out of school and having him do online school, it's that bad.  And THEN ... I got the call.  HE GOT ACCEPTED TO PFAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OH HAPPY DAY, GOD SAID "YES", and now Kody's life is forever changed.  Just scroll around on that website a little bit.  Multiple academic and artistic awards, teachers that are involved and CARE about the kids, opportunities for performances and learning ... words cannot express how delighted I am that FINALLY, this part of our plan has snapped into place.

David checked Kody out around 12:30 since everything he did the rest of the day was irrelevent anyway, and I took him with me up to the charter school to hand in his paperwork.  EVERY teacher we encountered smiled and acknowledged us, the 7th grade coordinator lady spent about 45 mins w/ us, building his schedule and then giving us a campus tour and introducing him to some of his teachers.  His day will begin tomorrow morning with "Acting", and will include PE every day, AND a "Dance" class.  He has "Acting" all year long, and the "Dance" elective will be swapped out mid way thru the year for something else.  They also have tech based electives like "Video Game Production", which he will try to do next time.  The best part?  Now, he's IN!  Our son will graduate from the PFAA, and I am SO excited he will get a quality education as well as crucial training and exposure in the arts.  Can't wait for the rest of this year!

Your public life and your private life

After church today

So today's sermon was interesting.  As Pastor said, not terribly deep, but certaintly contemplation-worthy.  I think doing selfless things is hard.  By nature, most of us are pretty selfish; in today's age of living our lives on facebook, we tend to advertise when we do something nice for someone.  A facebook friend recently posted a pic of a good deed they did for someone.  Why?  For a pat on the back?  So everyone can tell you how great and clever you are, and gee you're SUCH a humanitarian?

In the story of Joshua, God tells him to build 2 memorials using 12 rocks.  One, on the other side of the River Jordan to commemorate the momentous crossing of the river.  The other was to be a personal, private memorial in the MIDDLE of the River Jordan, underneath the water that only Joshua and God knew about.  Our public lives are important; how we present ourselves, the example we lead for other people, how we act, etc.  But our private lives are JUST as important.  Do you spend more time getting your hair and makeup right for church than you do preparing your heart and mind to hear God's Word?

What happnes in your private life sets the stage for your public one.

Matthew 6:3 says when you do something nice for someone, you will be openly rewarded by God when you do it in PRIVATE.  So, if you give money, help them out, whatever, you will be rewarded by Him when you DON'T go around bragging about it.

Matthew 6:6 says when you pray "in secret", literally go into a closet to pray, you will be openly rewarded for it.

Mathew 6:18 says if you fast, do it and then don't tell everyone about it expecting pats on the back.  It's between you and God.  When you fast, you don't show it to the world.

I've known quite a few self-righteous women with long hair that wear skirts that think they're superior to us short haired, pants wearing sinners.  They may LOOK right on the outside, but that self-righteous attitude tells the world they're NOT right on the inside.  God know you, ALL of you, 100% of you.  He knows your motivations, your reasons, your everything.  You don't need to go posting pics of you doing nice things in the hopes that maybe it'll go viral in order to feel a sense of accomplishment.

God LOVES you.  Work on your outward appearance, but also work on your private thoughts and motivations.  DO good deeds and nice things, but be secure enough in your self that you do it for NO other reason than to help someone else out.  What you sow here on Earth is what you will reap in Heaven.