Still hanging in there:)

My "real life" friend commented on one of my posts, and I just want to touch on the topic of motivation.

I struggle with maintaining my motivation.  I have a kid, a husband, and fairly decent self confidence, so when I'm "dieting" and become faced with a difficult decision; no dessert, or consume that handfull of m&m's?, I often justify my fail (choosing the m&m's) with, "Gee, you only live once!  Life is TOO short to deny yourself!  I've been a size 14 for the last 10+ years, who cares!"

Well, I care.  I've ALWAYS cared.  I just haven't cared enough to really and truly deny myself the things I WANT.  My husband loves and desires me, at the end of the day, how important are those cottage cheese thighs and fat rolls?  Not very.  But I HAVE always had this image in my head ... of a fit, healthy me with no extra, flabby skin.  Even when I was a size FOUR, and danced 5 days a week, rode 5 horses a day 5 days a week I never had a 6-pack, those sexy lower back dimples, or a nice chiseled physique.  And I DID work out, both with free weights, machines at the gym, and the normal athletic stuff associated with ballet dancing. I'm 33 years old.  It would be really amazing to accomplish that vision I've had since I was about 12 before I die.

My younger brother weighed well over 300 lbs in highschool.  He was a sedentary kid that liked to read, play video games, and eat food.  The day he went to Six Flags theme park and the harness of his favorite rollercoaster didn't close down over his girth, he changed his life.  It took him approx a year, but he has slimmed down to where a size 32 hangs pretty loosely off his frame (he's around 6' tall).  He went out and began to run.  RUN!  My 300 lb brother began to RUN.  And he never quit.  And nowadays he can literally eat anything he wants whenever we eat out, and his body just burns it up because he's kicked his metabolism up so high.  HE is my inspiration.  I know I can do it, because we are cut from the same cloth.

What I need now is the accountability.  That's why I began this blog (and maybe to help other people that feel a little lost or uninspired).  I have taken HUNDREDS of pictures of my horse, from the day I got him to now and I just marvel over how much his body has changed.  I've put so much time and effort into HIM, it's only fair I put a little bit of that into ME.  I am giddy with the prospect of inspecting those photos each month and see my body shrink.  When I go to fix my drink with my dinner, I go to the water (which I NEVER do). When I buy food, I compare calorie/fat counts and go with the lower one.  I'm paying attention to my serving sizes and eating at or less than the recommended serving.

My go to lunch has changed from a sandwhich (2 pieces of bread, slice of cheese, 3-4 slices of meat, mayo and mustard), well over one serving of potato chips, and 4-6 snack size pieces of candy (just whatever!  Reeces, Twix, Baby Ruth, etc.) and a diet Mountain Dew.  When I go to make dinner, I reach in the candy jar and toss a few little hand fulls of m&m's in my mouth.  On days I don't work (Uh, Sunday haha) I will sometimes not consume one drop of actual water.  Milk, coffee, diet soda, sweet tea.

Now?  A sandwhich (one slice of bread, slice of cheese, 2 slices of meat, spicy mustard), a Kashi granola bar (for the "crunch" satisfaction) and a carton of light yogurt.  I've been snacking on fresh fruit.  I'm consuming at LEAST 40 oz of water a day, INCLUDING Sunday.  On Sunday, I actually drank 64 oz, woo hoo!  It was super hard:)  I've cut out the diet soda and the sweet tea.  I'm living off one cup of coffee, about 8 oz of sparkling water, and regular water.  If I want dessert (which has only been 3 times since Sunday) I keep it to a half serving of m&m's or a fudgesicle.

I find that now (Thursday) my crazy sweet tooth is fading.  Was it dang hard to walk through Wal-Mart at 5:30 in the evening after literally working at 3 barns since 5:00 this morning and ignore all the glorious junk food?  Yes, it was.  I embraced that then let it go.  I was thinking of the picture posting in 2 weeks ... I'd like to see a difference:)

A fairly recent "skinny day"