Ok, so you're all up to date on WHAT I DID. Previously mentioned big horse board. There's a LOT of people that post on that board. Many of them are without a filter; it's easy to be brave when you sit behind a computer monitor. Never in a MILLION years did I think that my story would result in anyone thinking I was stupid, amoral, characterless, or that I needed shame brought upon me ... but that's exactly what happened. The first post of a thread sets the tone, and the tone was one of disbelief that I had gotten the pants exchanged in a completely ... honest way. Like I said, I'd posted the Cliff's Notes version of the story that didn't involve so many words as previously mentioned. The general tone was, "Well, good for you but you probably weren't honest about how/where you got them, the fact that they were used, and you bamboozeled the company". A few other people commented good for the company, but the overall tone was a negative one.
Enter ex friend. This person didn't email me, didn't call me, didn't text me, didn't facebook me. Wait. She did facebook, it was "Wow. Just, wow". That was her status. I saw THAT before I saw the thread. 9 posts in, she chimes in with "I wonder how much store credit she got. If they gave her full price, she made out like a bandit". That was it. 12 posts in, she posts again, saying how she's the original owner of the pants, and had she known she could just send them back, she would have vs. selling them (in a very sarcastic way). 15 posts in, she posts again and says how it seems sneaky, and AGAIN goes in a huge circle wondering how much store credit I got. It's the 19th post in where she delivers the fatal blow, saying, and I quote, "
Or, did she say they were a gift and they give her full retail price for both of them?
Again, like I said, just seems sneaky...I think I am still in shock..."
Ok. Here's where MY problem comes in. And where ex friend sees NOTHING wrong with what she did, that it's perfectly ok and normal for a friend to join in on a virtual dead horse beating, repeatedly. Had she said NOTHING on the thread at all, I pretty much guarantee it would have died. A few people going "Huh? Wow, company is awesome and you're weird for even THINKING to do that". I would have calmly provided a few more details, and it would have died and gone away.
I don't say the words "I love you" very often. I MEAN it when I say them, and they're reserved for my immediate family and a FEW, VERY FEW close friends. Ex friend was one I'd said those words to, meaning I thought of her as highly as I do my family. I would expect a family member that I love NOT to berate me in public, I would expect them to speak privately with me if an issue arose. I'm not saying close friends shouldn't argue; arguments happen. Like I said, none of us are perfect. I don't blame her for the negative response I got on my thread, I did that all on my own. I blame her for casting doubt upon my character and for calling me sneaky. All of these things were said on the thread before I even SAW it! I had NO idea such a negative pile up was occuring, with HER instigating the "amoral character" theme than began to run rampant.
I went STRAIGHT to email, and blasted one off asking her where she got off publicly berating me on an online bulletin board? How did she think that was ok? I was angry, I was emotional, I was confused. It's ok for her to be upset with me even though I don't see how, but it's NOT ok for her to continue to pick and post and bump up the thread to the point that it had nearly 3000 views. SHE was mad at me for "blaming her for the whole thing when it was my own stupid fault", and went back to the thread and posted an additional THIRTEEN TIMES on the thread, continuously bumping it back up, fanning the flames, adding fuel to the fire, playing the victim, bringing my BOSS into it, saying how much she respected my company and hoped that my actions didn't reflect negatively on my place on my place of employment.
THAT is what set me off, THAT is what caused me to unfriend her on facebook, THAT is what caused me to stick the knife in our friendship, it was DONE. I place NO blame on her for the beginning of the negative tone of the thread, but I DO blame her for inciting people to the point that long time posters were recommending that my boss sever ties with me, and that my unethical behavior reflected poorly on my company. I posted 5 times in defense of myself, and then I quit. It was pointless. People on online bulletin boards DON'T read for comprehension. I made an error of judgement and went in and edited my 5 posts, deleting them. I was shocked, felt attacked, and the tone was too defensive. I was NOT posting on the thread, hoping it would DIE. I contacted a moderator on the board when the thread was only 2 pages long with less than 100 views, asking them to lock it because I was worried my boss WOULD be brought into it. I changed the title of the thread, hoping it would be harder to find and just go away, but ex friend kept posting and posting and posting on it, pointing fingers at me and how I'd lost her respect and friendship. At a loss, I posted up an apology, HOPING to end things. THEN the moderator finally locked it, 5 pages and 3000 views later. People on the thread were supporting her, telling her how lucky she was she'd found out what a bad friend I was and she agreed with them.
We exchanged a few nasty emails, and it is finished. Done. Now, here's where I'm tying all this bull pucky back to my original post. I tend to immediately think I'm not the one to blame. But, then I think it through, and very grudgingly admit that ok, maybe I WAS wrong at the end of the day. Well, I've thought this through. TRUST ME, I've thought about little else since it went down. In the nasty emails, I didn't call my ex friend names. I was passionate about the fact that I blamed her for the thread reaching the point it did, but that I didn't blame her for the initial negative tone. I blamed her for publicly flogging me rather than quietly sitting by and letting a contentious thread die out with no repercussions. She called me stupid and low class. She said I was insane to accept no blame for this situation, and that one day I would come around and see her side (but of course it would be too late). I don't see how I was wrong at all. I honestly don't. In my mind, if you perceive a loved one "doing you wrong", you tell them! In PRIVATE. You DON'T become a vulture and pick/pick/pick until the person has no choice but to explode back at you! But guess what, my explosion was done in PRIVATE.
What is the point of this drama? There is no point. I'm sad that I've lost a friend, a loved one. I keep my horse blog to look back and see how much he's grown in his education. I'm keeping THIS blog to track my OWN life, my OWN growth. She said she hopes I have a nice life, and that some day I will realize it's all my fault and she did nothing wrong. In her words, friends don't always have your back. I'm hoping that maybe some day she reads this, and has her OWN sense of self discovery, and that maybe she will come to realize that she was indeed in the wrong here. OR, people that actually KNOW me and CARE about me will read this and gently point out to me WHERE I was wrong, and how I brought this on myself. I've been feeling the loss keenly up until she called me stupid and low class, and now I'm good with my decision to cut her out of my life.
A loved one wouldn't do that. I didn't say anything of the sort to her, I told her that by continuously posting and reviving the thread that she was being a "mean girl". She said I was stupid and low class and have a nice life. Well, I will, thank you very much. It's painful experiences like this one that stretch your faith and shape your personality. I give thanks to God for the trials in my life, they help me to fully appreciate when things are going well. ALL things happen for a reason, and this part of my life is over, time to see what else is around the corner.
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