Wow. 2 years goes by in a flash!

 Wow.  Here I am again ... again.  You'll all be pleased to know I DID drop 30 lbs on WW. Plus working out, of course!  I managed to lose during COVID, and even took my weights and mat with me on a 7 day vacation.  And then I quit giving a damn and gained it all back.  I'm 2.8 lbs under where I was in the last post in 2019.  I can't believe how much I yo yo; how on earth to just stay consistent?  To maintain?  WHY is it so HARD????  I was happy with my 30 lbs down, felt great.  I wasn't buying smaller clothes, but my motorcycle chaps fit so loose I had to tighten the waist belt.  Now?  They're back to how they were.  

Well, AGAIN.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  Got 4 more months of living my year 42; this is the HARDEST time in office; specialist offices deliver everything from specialty nuts, to cookies, to Nothing Bundt Cakes, to pies, to "crack" (candy corn and peanuts).  Patients bring us donuts and cookies and lunch.  It's pretty dang hard to say no to that, but learn to say no I must.  WW was awesome, it really helped me to understand how to eat better.  I wasn't able to continue my membership, b/c David lost his job due to COVID and just works at home now.  I'm back to tracking in My Fitness Pal; started today in fact!  All food tracked, goal is just to simply not eat outside of the tracked food, and keep the chili under strict portion control; 1 cup!  Excited to begin again, and STAY on track this time :)

Making it happen

I know it's been awhile.  I've turned to Instagram a bit to make things more simple since I can't update my blog from my phone.  2 weeks ago I finally joined Weight Watchers.  We get a HUGE discount through David's work, and I love the idea of the point system vs. counting straight up calories or figuring up complicated meal combinations.  So far, I haven't had a single "screw it" day.  I've tracked every bite of food, figuring up food values, and logging faithfully into my app.  So far, nothing earth shattering ... 7 pounds.  But hey, it's a start!  And I have not exercised at ALL.  The weather went from cold and snowy to cold and flooding.  There have been VERY few nice days, so after getting through a whole SIX DAYS of couch to 5K, I stopped.  Again.  Then I got sick.  I'm finally well, finally feeling better, and ready to get to it.

This morning after Wednesday Weigh in!  7 lbs down

Today I sweated to T-25 ... it's 4 days to my 40th birthday.  I WILL be "blowing it" a bit that day.  We're going to a car show, then eating at Paula Deen's restaurant.  I WILL eat all the foods, but I will be strict with my portions.

Looking forward to MAYBE wearing a pair of actual shorts this summer?  Maybe?  I haven't bought myself clothes since I had to finally break down and buy some "fat jeans".  Other than that, I've bought motorcycle riding clothes, but I would buy those big anyway.  My "girls" are out of control, I'm ready to have the chest shrink a bit lol!  I love the T-25 Speed 1.0 because it works both arms, cardio, and stretch.  I'm going to do that workout tomorrow and Friday, trying to not modify much by Friday.  I'm still too fat to jump around much ... my target "jumping" weight is 180.  So that's basically 25 pounds.  DANG.  I can't believe I've gained so much, it's disheartening.  My dream weight is back down around 148.  That's a comfortable size 10/ some clothes in an 8.

The best thing WW is doing for me is training me to look for more healthy options.  Today I went to Aldi's to buy our take and bake pizza.  1/8 of the pizza is a serving size.  1/8.  That's barely any food.  It's worth a whopping 10 points.  I get 23 the entire DAY.  But a full cup of 3 cheese tortellini w/ a 1/4 cup of marinara is only 9 points ... and it's more filling.  So I still get my yummy, italian food, just in a different form.  I had a chicken hot dog cut up in a spoon full of chili with a sliced dill pickle and a smidge of mustard and ketchup.  Soooooo good.  No bun.  No chips.  I'm missing dessert every night, but I'm hoping that once I transition over to "maintain" vs. "lose" I get more points lol. 

I finally bought batteries for my food scale.  And I bought a scale.  For the first time in 39 years.  It's sickening to step on it, but I'm tired of burying my head in the sand.  I'm ready to lose again.  I'm ready to be me again.  And I'm bound and determined to do it without trendy packaged foods and mail order products.  I can't TELL you how many of my facebook friends sell IT works, or Shakeology, or 310 shakes, or X ... it's all silly.  Sure, it may work in the short term.  But I can DO this with grocery store food and a little number guidance. 

Thanks for reading. Thanks for supporting me.  I'm excited to reach 10 lbs down, then 20, then 30 ... it's just progress.  It won't be fast, but as long as it's steady, I'm good with it.

Sweaty Selfie for accountability

Starting all over again ... again

I guess I'm going to break down and buy a scale.   I'm too fat to work out, so I'm tired.  Or ... I'm too tired to work out, so I'm fat.  I just have to quit making excuses and get off my fat, disgusting ass and do something about it.  Went to the Dr.  No thyroid issues.  I'm currently at my pregnancy weight; the highest weight I've ever been at.  I'm tipping the scales at a whopping 210 lbs right now.  I'd like to be down to 148 by my birthday.  If I don't start something here, it will NEVER happen.  So, I've GOT to get it together.  I've GOT to get my life together.  My joints are starting to hurt; I'm carrying way too much weight on my frame.  I went through this with Kody too.  It's almost like a VERRRRRRY delayed PPD feeling.  There's a reason Kody was 10 before I managed to get all that baby weight off and then some.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.  Tomorrow  my alarm will be set at 4:00 am just like EVERY day.  Maybe I'll finally get out of bed and exercise.  I want to look like that girl in the pic.