Under Control

When you literally can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror FULLY CLOTHED, you know it's time to take control.  It was 5 years ago today almost to the day that I began this blog, chronicling my journey to lose nearly 50 lbs.  I've put every lb and probably then some back on.  This whole having a baby after 35 thing has kicked my a$$.  When I have a free second, literally ALL I want to do is sleep.  Sunday, I took a 3 hour nap.  Makes it EXTREMELY hard to get up and work out.  And working out for me is key.  No, I'm not going to try and out-exercise a bad diet, but I can NOT rely solely on eating alone to lose weight.  I LIKE to eat.  I will NOT low carb/no sugar myself into losing that 50 lbs again.  I didn't do that 5 years ago, and I won't do it this time.  But here's the thing; I HAVE to do something.  I make myself sick to my stomach to look at me.  So TODAY, I started what I did 5 years ago.

I logged all my food into myfitnesspal.com.  Very enlightening!  What I ate yesterday, it theorized I'd gain 5 lbs in 5 weeks.  Wow.  I was almost 1100 calories over my "goal".  What I ate TODAY it said I'd lose 12 lbs in 5 weeks.  Hey, I'll take that!  I also "doubled up" a bit.  I did T-25 this morning; about 1/2 modified and 1/2 not.  When I put the baby to bed, I did Couch to 5k, week one ... again.  My legs felt like lead, but it was a nice, sweaty workout.  My neighborhood is exactly 2 1/4 miles around, so that works out to have a little bit left over to walk once the workout is over.  I can't bring myself to take pics again of the whole sports bra/shorts getup again.  Maybe 6 months in.  For now, I have a cute nightie that I'd like to wear with confidence that looks HORRIBLE on me right now that I'll take the monthly pics with.

I have to quantify my earlier statement about what I won't do with what I WILL do.  I WILL get back to calorie counting and being conscious of portion size.  I've become desensitized to the correct serving size, and have been eating WAY too big of a serving.  Basically, when I go to bed, I feel full.  Today, I've felt somewhat empty all day, which isn't necessarily good for me.  If I'm hungry, that's when I'm more likely to make bad choices and snack on something junky.  I did well and drank my 48 oz bottle of water, and I have 16 more to go before bed; if and when I feel hungry, I will grab the bottle and drink away.  I will do as before, and make lower calorie substitutions, or remove a piece of bread, or do SOMETHING to cut the calorie content of what I'm eating.  But I hate to have a "list" of foods I can or can't eat, and right now my finances won't allow expensive foods low in carbs/sugars, so I have to make do with the 'normal' stuff.  I don't want to take a pill, or wrap up in a majikal wrap that will melt all the fat away.  I don't want to drink a secret shake that will slim me up in no time flat.  I just have to get back to making good, sensible choices that are the proper serving sizes, and STOP eating "dessert" after every meal.  I also have to decide to GET UP and exercise.  Stop hitting the snooze button 6 times, and drag my lazy rumpus out of bed!  Without further ado, here's the yucky pics :(