Just plugging along

I have no intention of joining a gym.  The money I'm spending doesn't motivate me to show up.  I paid for a gym for 3 years ... for the first 6 months, I went about twice a week.  The 2nd 6 months, about once a week.  The next year, about once a month.  The final year ... maybe 6 times total.  It's just a matter of DOING it.  I have workouts ... Piyo, Insanity, T25, and good 'ol jogging right outside my apartment; all I have to do is get UP and WORK.  Today, I did it.  Sweated my butt off, ate a yummy lunch pretty much identical to the one pictured in the last blog post, and came home and had some AMAZING home made broccoli beef and orange chicken.  On Saturday, not only were there GIANT donuts from one of our hygienists, one of the DA's went to McD's and bought everyone a chicken sandwich.  I said thanks but no thanks and enjoyed my same lunch I had today :D
Yesterday was a bit of a "cheat" day.  Had some amazing home made ice cream (only 1 scoop) in a waffle cone.  I enjoy food.  I enjoy trying out new places for treats.  It's all about the portion control, and the NOT eating it every DAY that's important.  Tomorrow, I will get up and sweat again.  I will watch what I eat and pray that those tight pants loosen up a little, and my over-inflated "girls" shrink back down to a manageable size.  I will scour Pinterest for healthy, clean eating recipes, and I will try to cram more veggies into my diet.  I will continue to tell sugar to "bite me", and I WILL prevail once again ... this time for good.  MAKE IT HAPPEN!

There's just something about July ...

I've had to go back and re-read the beginning of my blog.  I'm very sad to say that I've put back on pretty much every pound I managed to lose.  I have an appointment tomorrow that requires me to wear my "nice" slacks and a button up shirt; the pants were too tight, and the shirt was so tight that even with strapping "the girls" down with 2 bras, there's still a gap there.  Not gonna lie, fallen back into the "don't care" eating attitude.  Sugar once again is my demon and has made me throw away everything I did 3 years ago :(

The good news is TODAY is the first day of the rest of my life.  It's summer; July.  A little later than I started back in 2012, but my pants not fitting has REALLY kicked my a$$.  I am stronger than my addiction ... and my "drug" is sugar.  I have a sweet tooth that just does not quit; through prayer and dedication I will get back on track and recover my inner goddess.  The first step is to get back to my blog; blogging every 3 days if not daily so I can be ACCOUNTABLE again.  It honestly doesn't matter a whit to me if anyone ever reads this; it's about me getting my thought off my chest and getting my mind right so I can feel sexy and confident again.

My cross fit journey ended abruptly when I made the bad decision to go to class when I was feeling mildly sick-ish.  I was full blown SICK the next few days, and I couldn't make myself go again.  To be honest, I'm not sure it's for me.  Tomorrow at 0600 I have an appointment to attend 1 of 2 trial classes at a gym called Orange Theory Fitness.  It's an hour class and I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm looking forward to a good sweat.  Here's to smooshing the "lazy bug", and telling sugar to BITE ME!

If we're being honest

This is NOT a post I have any desire to make.  But I have to be real; it doesn't help ANYONE that's struggling with their weight to pretend that those of us that manage to lose some doesn't gain it back.  Our online presence tends to showcase all those perfect moments in life so that everyone can be envious of you and your perfect life.  Or, let's face it; some are drama llamas and enjoy stirring up stuff and having people fawn all over them.

I got up and went to Crossfit this morning.  When I got home, I took my "before" pics.  I get a 1 month trial; I'm curious to see if there's more of a discernible difference THIS time than there was 2 years ago after the 30 day pics.  I'm embarrassed to post these pics; they look TERRIBLE ... but this is my wake up call.  The call that says I have let myself down, once again.  It's time to get back on the wagon and STAY on it and quit allowing myself to fall off again and again and again.  This blog is to make me ACCOUNTABLE, so here I am, in all my fat glory ...

Those pics have been worse, but not by much.  Maybe only an inch or so.  What's good is that I'm CATCHING myself this time.  I've transitioned to a desk job where I sit on my tushy for 9 hours.  No more cleaning stalls every day, no more riding 3-5 days a week, no more moving jumps standards and poles around 5 days a week ... just sit on my butt day in and day out.  My apartment doesn't even have stairs; we're on the lower level.  So a serious decrease in activity combined with a less than careful attitude about what goes in my mouth, and this is the result.  I'm ashamed of myself.  But I'm taking the first step, exposing myself, and getting BACK to it, hopefully this time for good.  No excuses, no permanent backsliding, just RESULTS.

I hope that anyone else out there that's struggling can find the inspiration they need to realize and understand that if you fail, you CAN right yourself.  Don't "wait until Monday", or "wait until February", or "hold off until after I've finished ____".  Do it TODAY, RIGHT NOW, face your demons and begin to chase them off.  I'm shooting to be back here in the next few months:  

February 19, 2013.  I can DO THIS!