Struggling to find the silver lining.

Timbre Rufus, best dog in the world!!

Well, life isn't getting any easier, but I'm trying to remain positive and find the joy in life.  First and foremost, I am healthy.  Secondly, my husband and son are healthy.  POSITIVES!  We have a roof over our head, fuel in our vehicles, and computers on our lap ... we are blessed.  However, I've set the day for sending my first kid over the "rainbow bridge".  He was a gift from my husband in August of 1999, 2 months after our marriage.  I'd been wanting a dog for a few years, but Mom and Dad said absolutely NOT.  Even David had said "Not right now, we need to focus on getting our new life together up and going".  And then he dropped this ADORABLE tri color fuzz ball in my arms after I came home from a hard day working at summer camp, and I cried.  The Cobb County animal shelter had said he was a Husky, but I could see instantly he was NOT, lol.  David had no idea, this was just The One.

Timbre brought David and I together as husband and wife.  We had a "child" to parent together, to teach and to nurture and to love.  He went all over with us, to Tennessee and Florida and Alabama ... we took him on "day" trips to go hiking, to the GA coast, and when Kody was born, he was a best friend to all 3 of us.  He's been there throughout our entire married life, and now it's time to let him go.  He had FHO surgery on his hip about 4 years ago, and today he is obviously in pain.  He struggles to get up, he's lost much of his control over his bodily functions, and he has large lumps on his body.  During the past year, his breathing has become labored more and more often; I believe he has a lump on or near his lungs that's restricting his air flow.  Timbre owes us NOTHING; he has been nothing but a blessing not only to us, but also to our extended family.  He deserves to go out with dignity, before he's in debilitating pain and having to wear diapers.  My heart has broken into a million pieces, but I know it's the right decision for my boy.  I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself because as stated above, I'm blessed to the nines, but I just feel like I'm losing huge chunks of my heart with Timbre going to doggy heaven and placing my horse up for sale.  I feel very lost and sad right now, and I just wish my life were different:(  I'm clinging to the joy for those crucial things, my health, my family, etc. and trying not to dwell on the bad things.  This too shall pass.